Let’s talk about online dating a.k.a. “the swipe life”…. *cracks neck*
Online dating is simply judging people based on their looks and their bios (well only if they have one and unless you read them) and then narrowing it down to the most important question: “are you worth my time and energy?”.
Question: What platforms have I used?
I used two dating apps: tinder and bumble.
Tinder– cos it’s the most commonly used dating app. I don’t usually initiate a conversation with my matches anymore unlike when I first started using it. Not because of the idea that “guys must message first”- SCREW THAT. I’d rather not send a simple “hey” or “hi” (as they say- go big or go home), well unless if he’s very attractive, plus points if he has a catchy bio……and nice abs too haha just kidding. I RARELY reply to messages and I’m not huge on follow ups. When I say rarely, I meant I only replied to 10-15% of the messages I received in this app. So “Hey Adrienne”, “DTF?”, “Hiii” , “☺️☺️”, “Hey cutie”, “Ooh hot” wouldn’t work, maybe try something more personal like “What’s your social security number?” 🤣
… and Bumble– where girls have to do the first move. I like this… well except when my brain’s not working well and if guys don’t have anything (interesting) on their bio or profile. It’s damn hard to think of a starter! I once asked a guy- “What’s your mother’s maiden name?”. In my defense, I can’t think of any opening statement. Yes, fuck it. Haha that’s wrong in so many levels. But he answered, so yeah i guess it wasn’t that bad.
I would like to talk about the PROS AND CONS OF ONLINE DATING before anything else, probably to help you decide if online dating is for you- to give it a go or no, to continue using it or if it’s time for you to drop it.
Disclaimer: These might not apply to everyone or you might disagree with me on some of the points I’ve listed and that’s totally fine cos I’m well aware that our situation differs from each other. However, I based these points from the majority of people I talked to. Let’s start!
• Let me begin with the most obvious one- We meet new people– it’s a great and convenient way to meet people especially for those who don’t have enough time to socialize and those who don’t know anyone in a new place.
• We learn to trust strangers. The online dating scenario may vary in different countries, but since I’m living in Singapore, I find it safe-r to go out on a date with someone I only knew from a dating app. We have to be cautious all the time though, try to get to know the person we’re dealing with before we go out with them. We can’t ask for their police clearance to check if they have a criminal record so just try to observe. Bring out the FBI agent in you if necessary.
• We learn how to deal with people. Dating different people is like taking mini psychology classes. Different people with different attitudes, personalities, characters, views, pasts, presents and futures (what?).
• It boosts our confidence. Yeeeees!!!! Don’t we just like it when we get super likes? May it be everyday or once in a while. Even a simple match can make us smile. That means someone out there finds us attractive (we successfully deceived them with our photos, level 1 unlocked 😜) and it gets even better when they like you because of your personality and your smart mouth (level 2 unlocked 🥳)…… but once they like your totality- just because it’s you (level 5 unlocked 🎉) then you’re one hell of a lucky motherfather.
• If you’re (very) lucky, you’ll find the love of your life. I based this on the people i know who met their partners through dating apps. I’m yet to find out if mine would be a success story too (or a horror story, I’m just hoping that it wouldn’t turn out to be an action thriller)
• If you’re not lucky enough to find the love of your life, at least you’ll learn to love yourself more and that’s soooooo much better.
• Deception– we can’t be sure whom we are dealing with. We’re purely basing it on the photos and conversations we’re having with the person. There are several posers online and it’s scary. Like you can be chatting with Legolas but IRL you’re about to meet Gollum.
• We invest time, effort and money. This doesn’t need an explanation. However, I realized that this could actually be a good thing if the date ends up well.
• You’ll meet the bastards, perverts and those who provoke the evil in you. Refer to point 3 in the Pros section.
• No sense of exclusivity during the early stage of getting to know each other. You can’t demand. They or you can date multiple people simultaneously. This is why it’s important to make our intentions clear to the other person beforehand.
• People come and go. Sure you’ve heard about ghosting- it’s relative. I have also mentioned in my previous article that good things can fall apart. But you know what? At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter who left; what counts is the people who stayed.
• Lastly, people can take advantage of us and that’s the sad truth of using dating apps. We gamble. We lay our cards on the table without knowing what’s gonna happen next.
I did not post this article to encourage everyone to use dating apps (unless they’ll upgrade my account to premium for free hihi joke) but if you decide to try online dating please don’t blame me if things go south. Use it at your own discretion.
But no, really, I know dating apps have an unpleasant reputation but it’s not that bad no? Unless you haven’t had any matches at all or if you’ve been scammed several times or if you’ve never ever met anyone decent from these apps. I’m a firm believer that you can control and choose the people you let in your life and so as when meeting people online, and that’s why these apps allow us to choose and decide whom we want to entertain; If people judge you for using dating apps, don’t mind them, don’t give a shit. Let them think what they want to think, their opinions don’t really matter as long as you know that you’re not doing anything bad.